A Bed Bug’s Life – A Narrative.‎

Life is good for a bed bug. I’m never wanting for a meal. I always have ‎someplace to lay my head. I’m not picky, really. After all, blood is blood. I ‎only hatched a few months ago, but I’ve already fed on my hosts and ‎molted in their bed five times. That makes me a grown up. As a female bed ‎bug, being a grown up means laying eggs – up to five at a time. Eat and lay ‎eggs, eat and lay eggs. And my hosts don’t even protect their mattress or ‎pillows with encasements. I’m a free-range bed bug! A few of my friends ‎stuck to the nightshirt of my male host and dropped off in his children’s ‎bedroom. They’re having a great time. Man…life is good.‎ It all started a little over three months ago – I wasn’t even a twinkle in my ‎mother’s eyes. She was two months old and living in a wonderful four-‎bedroom home in an upper middle-class neighborhood. During the day ‎she’d hang out between the mattress and the headboard. The maid never ‎saw her. She arrived there at only a few weeks old. She’d traveled inside a ‎suitcase that was brought home by the mother of the home. The entire ‎family had gone on vacation, and the mother casually left her suitcase open ‎on the floor of the hotel room. There was no encasing, no micro-polyester – ‎nothing. Momma bug just crawled on in. ‎ She hung out for a few weeks in this nice house and then, after a few days, ‎she laid a few eggs, like she does every day. For a week I was one of those ‎eggs. One among five in a cluster, surrounded by a sticky substance that ‎kept us all nicely attached to the headboard. And then, after a week, there I ‎was! Hello world!‎ Climbing out of my shell, I was the apple of mom’s eye – a bed bug nymph. ‎Beige and healthy, I hung around the edge of the bed for a while, checking ‎the place out. After a few nights I ventured out. Hey…I was hungry. So ‎there I was, free as a bird to pick my meal. I found a nice spot right above the ankle of the mom of the house. It was my first time, but I knew what to ‎do – and I did, digging in. Oh, the taste of her blood, what a magnificent ‎feast! And right after I ate, I was no longer that newborn beige. I’d become ‎a plump and beautiful red. I was so proud.‎ While the hosts were off working and taking the kids to soccer, I molted for ‎the first time. Right under their pillow, I just left the discarded ‘me’ on their ‎bed sheet. Over the next few weeks I fed over and over, and molted five ‎more times. My brothers and sisters from my egg cluster were right there ‎with me. They were having a great time eating, molting, eating, molting. On ‎and on we went. Then one day no one came home.‎ About 3am, I was rather hungry, as I usually am. I wandered out but still no ‎one home. Wouldn’t you know it…they went away for a month on another ‎vacation. One of my siblings overheard them talking about going away and ‎letting us starve to death. Really, I didn’t mind. I can go over a year without ‎feeding. I’m quite patient. So they came home and there I was. Welcome ‎home!‎ Oh how I fed! I’d missed my hosts. And wouldn’t you know it, a week after ‎they came home I laid my first egg cluster. The first had five eggs. Not bad, ‎right? The next day – yep, another five. I’m good like that.‎ So without my hosts using any kind of protective mattress or pillow ‎encasements I just fall off the sheets when they pick them up, stick to the ‎clothes they leave on the floor and hop back into bed. Some of my ‎hatchlings have even made their way to the children’s book bags. I’ve heard ‎that school is wonderful. There are so many places to stick to clothing and ‎find new hosts who take them into their homes.‎ I know you people think you have good lives. Movies, work, vacation, cars ‎and all those other things I hear you talking about. But I’m pretty happy. I’ll ‎probably spend a year in this house. I’ll lay 500 or so eggs and my children ‎will lay eggs of their own. Eat, sleep, eat, sleep – what a wonderful life. I ‎hope they don’t catch on. When they don’t protect their home, it makes my ‎life pretty easy. ‎ I know it’s late. Thanks for listening. I’m going to go eat now, while they ‎sleep. I think I’ll climb into the crib with their new baby tonight. Tasty!‎‎

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  • OrdinarySomething  On March 11, 2010 at 6:53 am

    Pretty nice blog you’ve got here. Thanks for it. I like such themes and anything connected to them. I would like to read a bit more soon.

    Best wishes

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